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course

Pursuers & Distancers In Relationship:Treating Each And Their Unhappy Dance (REAL-2009)

So many of the couples we treat can be summed up by a marquee for a Sunday afternoon movie: “VAMPIRA MEETS THE INVISIBLE MAN.” There is an old French proverb “in every relationship, there is one who kisses and one who allows him/herself to be kissed.” When it comes to love, pursuit and flight seem to be the name of the game. Distance regulation is KING. Some of us do it elegantly, but darn few. Most of us play out the dance of desire and self-protection, endlessly, unhappily and messily.

Pursuers - like vampires- can never get enough. Addiction to the drug of another’s warm regard is not all that different from other addictions. If Vampira had a slogan, it would read: “I would be happy if only you would just…” This workshop will teach you how to teach pursuers to shift from being “cold blooded animals” whose internal temperature is regulated by the temperature of their environment, to “warm blooded animals” who can sustain themselves, regulate.

Distancers —like the invisible man—present the outer wrapping and hide the substance underneath. The ruling belief of distancers is that relationships will devour or exploit them putting them in to a terrible catch-22. On the one hand, distancers, like all human beings, need human relationships. On the other hand, once they’re in a relationship, their entire focus is keeping as much distance as possible. Imagine being a lion tamer, locked in the cage with the hungry lion that provides your livelihood. If distancers had a slogan, it would be: “I adore you, leave me alone.” This workshop will teach you to help distancers come out from behind their walls and negotiate their need for distance and all of their other needs with a clear explicit voice.

The irony is that for very different reasons, neither pursuers nor distancers know how to be intimate or how to identify, express and negotiate their real emotional needs. Participants will learn that the etiology of these two disorders are not just different, but complimentary—the core wound for pursuers is abandonment and the core wound for distancers is enmeshment. The cure for pursuers is the recovery of abundance and the cure for distancers is faith in negotiation.

Seminar Brochure

speaker

Terry Real

IMPORTANT NOTICE- New York, NY Attendees

New York, NY Attendees:
Please note there has been a venue change for this workshop. The workshop has been relocated to the venue listed below.

Re: REAL-2009 Name of Onsite Coordinator for LA & NY and Venue Update for New York Location

Marriott Downtown,

85 West St. at Albany St.

New York, NY 10006.

(212) 385-4900

www.nymarriottdowntown.com

Participants will be able to:

Leverage the relationship in order to produce character change
Explain the tenets of healthy distance regulation
Compare and contrast the etiology of Pursuers and Distancers
Summarize why the core wound of Pursuers is abandonment
Assess the reason enmeshment is the core wound of Distancers
Implement plans to cure the Pursuer with self-regulation and recovery of abundance
Create a treatment model whereby the Distancer can express their needs in a clear explicit voice and restore their faith in negotiation

Agenda

8:15 - 9:00am Registration & Sign In

9:00 - 10:00 Overview, Relational Life Therapy and The Relational Grid

10:00 - 11:00 Love Dependency: Etiology and Traits (video, lecture, discussion)

11:00 - 11:15 BREAK

11:00 - 12:00 The Pursuer/Distancer Dynamic

12:00 - 1:00pm LUNCH

1:00 - 2:15 Coming to Center: The Treatment of Love Dependence
Coming to Center: The Treatment of Love Avoidance
2:15 - 2:30 BREAK

2:30 - 3:00 Distance Regulation and Family Roles

3:00 - 4:30 Advanced Considerations: The role of gender, trauma, recovery, and spirituality, co-morbid conditions-dual diagnosis, working with grandiose women, course of treatment

Attend Terry Real's FLAGSHIP RELATIONSHIP BOOT CAMP

Tell your clients about it! The word is out; Terry Real’s 2-day Relationship Boot Camp is making waves for delivering a no-nonsense, practical and transformative relationship skill building experience. This Fall only, Terry will be leading this Boot Camp for couples in your city, and participants will walk away with deep awareness about their “same old dance”, and —more importantly—the tools and skills to know what to do about it and move into a new level of partnership and intimacy.

For more information or to register, call 877-REAL-414 or go to: www.terryreal.com

Purchase the product that is getting RAVE REVIEWS Terry Real’s Full Respect Living Tool Kit The latest product developed by the Relational Life Institute is quickly becoming indispensable to couples, individuals and mental health professionals alike. Terry Real’s Full Respect Living Tool Kit offers the essential information everyone needs for living relationally. A n easy-to-use 5X7 laminated flip-book, the Full Respect Living Tool Kit provides overviews and descriptions of the 9 Core Practices for getting relationally healthy. Also included are tips for how we can avoid “getting in our own way.”

Order Your Copy Today! – www.terryreal.com or call 877-REAL-414

What is Full Respect Living? Full Respect Living means making a commitment that, no matter what, you will not drop below the lines of respectful behavior to another human being. You can stand up for yourself, you can be assertive, you can be firm, but there is no reason to do any of that in a way that is disrespectful to the person you are speaking to. On the other hand, Full Respect Living also means that you do not allow yourself to be on the receiving end of disrespectful treatment and do nothing about it. Living relationally means cultivating the daily practice of Full Respect Living with yourself and with others at the same time. As you’ll discover, living relationally is about consciousness, love, and respect for self and others, which leads to and sustains healthy intimacy.

Certification Information

This event is co-sponsored by R. Cassidy Seminars for 6 CE hours

Satisfactory Completion

Participants must have paid tuition fee, signed in, attended the entire seminar, completed an evaluation, and signed out in order to receive a certificate. Failure to sign in or out will result in forfeiture of credit for the entire course. No exceptions will be made. Partial credit is not available.

Psychologists - all Psychologists

R. Cassidy Seminars is approved by the American Psychological Association to offer continuing education for psychologists. R. Cassidy Seminars maintains responsibility for this program.

Social Workers - MA, MN, NJ, WA

Association of Social Work Boards (ASWB)-R. Cassidy Seminars, provider #1082, is approved as a provider for social work continuing education by the Association of Social Work Boards (www.aswb.org, phone-(800) 225-6880), through the Approved Continuing Education (ACE) program. R. Cassidy Seminars maintains responsibility for the program.

CA: Course meets the qualifications for continuing education credit for MFTs and/or LCSWs as required by the California Board of Behavioral Sciences, Provider #PCE418.

Counselors - MA, MN, NJ, WA

R. Cassidy Seminars is recognized by the National Board for Certified Counselors to offer continuing education for certified counselors. We adhere to NBCC continuing education guidelines. Provider #6375.

Marriage and Family Therapists - NJ, WA

See approval for Counselors.

CA: Course meets the qualifications for continuing education credit for MFTs and/or LCSWs as required by the California Board of Behavioral Sciences, Provider #PCE418.

MA: Application filed, approval pending

MN: This course has been approved by the Minnesota Board of Marriage & Family Therapists for (6) hours of credit. Approval # 3777.

Disability Access: If you require ADA accommodations please contact our office 30 days or more before the event. We cannot ensure accommodations without adequate prior notification.

Please Note: Licensing Boards change regulations often and while we attempt to stay abreast of their most recent changes, if you have questions or concerns about this course meeting your specific board’s approval, we recommend you contact your board directly to obtain a ruling.